Wrestling with decisions


I have wrestled with many decisions in my life, from the change in my childhood of how to behave and disappear, to my military endeavors over the 16 years and the decisions of what to do with my first marriage when it ended. The best thing to do about my daughters when my first marriage ended and what I felt proper for their safe keeping and growing up. It was the hardest decision I ever made, to leave them behind with their mother and grandmother and uncle, but my choices were few to none. I had no place to raise them in and no money to do it with, and I knew my ex-wife would raise them, I just didn’t know she would screw it up, which of course she did.

Now don’t misunderstand me, I love my daughters and always will till the day I die, but, my ex-wife used them to get revenge on me and that was sick.  she brainwashed my eldest into believing something that never happened and almost cost me twenty years of my life, by false accusations. The second daughter is selfish and a user of people, all she wants is money from me and calls me her ATM to friends and family, So, I have surrendered talking to her these days, after a confrontation on the phone with her husband.A man is limited by the courts on what he can do, or say about all of the above and I am sorry for that for my girls and for me.  For they will never understand, why I was gone and they will only understand what their mother and grandmother told them, that I abandoned them, that is bullshit. Yet, it is what they believe.  Maybe one day they will get it.

Onward and upward so to say, one day at a time is all one can do, with so many things in life to take care of and watch.My daughters and grandchildren are one part, the second is my second wife and her cancer and our daily life because of it. I take care of her all I can here at home, cleaning her and dressing her and feeding her and then transporting her to Doctors and tests. Plus I do all I can around the house to help her and myself live properly. It’s not easy, but life goes on. Each day is an adventure when you are not sure each day if your partner you love will wake up again. But life goes on anyway and the only one to mess with Mother Nature is Father Time so to say, and that has been one hell of a relationship in this world.God Bless all, for we have to keep going until we can not anymore for it is all we can do.

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