Foresight


Events are easier if you can see them coming, but the truth is who really can see them before they occur?  Some say no one can, but the truth is there are some folks who can, some call it a curse others a gift, whichever you wish to call it, Marcus Everly, had the ability to foresee things he didn’t want and to help himself avoid them and others and save lives and so much more. Yet Marcus knew if he did one thing wrong or helped someone avoid what was their fate in life, in this world, it could change the world and its future.  Each step of Marcus’s life was a mystery to him as a youth, for he helped so many avoid what the fates had in store for them and shaped his world around himself without knowing it. But at 60 years old now, Marcus Everly sits and wonders, Why him and did he make right choices all these years or wrong ones for so many he could see the future of? And what did this life of trying to foresee and help others do to Marcus’s own life and did it change his life so much it is irreversible?

Part 1

           Marcus’s first memory of foreseeing things came from when he was five years old, as he told it. He was standing in front of his mother, getting dressed for school as she put a tie on him for school. He just couldn’t stand still that morning something was making him nervous and jumpy, and his mom wanted him to hold still, when suddenly she slapped his face and he cried standing rigid!  As he cried Marcus could see more slapping coming from his mother, if he moved one inch, so he froze like a statue in place. The tie was put on ok and he was dressed for school, but Marcus knew, he was different than the other kids, he would be attending with. He was different from his older brother too, more brooding, introverted, and quiet, yet could be wild and crazy too when he let loose and lost control. The teachers in Kindergarten knew it too, for Marcus, didn’t learn like the others, nor did he sleep like them either or play with them. Yet, he stopped other kids from getting hurt and watched all closely, stepping in only in time to prevent injuries. The teachers would watch him do it and wonder how he knew it was going to happen; they pointed at him and wondered why? Marcus just was being Marcus he saw things no one else saw, and avoided it.  He never understood why he could see these things happening, it was like watching it in slow motion before it really occurred and avoiding it by knowing it was there. Marcus knew it but couldn’t explain it then, how can a five year old explain it when he didn’t understand it himself. He accepted it and went with it as it came up, and usually got in trouble for it all and pointed out as being strange. In many ways he was strange, his mind was faster, his vision was forwarded beyond others, and he saw it all before him up to so many hours or days ahead of time. Amazingly, when he told his parents about it all, they laughed at the five year old he was. No, way his father told him, no one can see things that will happen ahead of time. So, Marcus, just stopped saying things about it or letting others know he could see it all coming. Marcus decided the best was to keep the information to himself and use it to affect others’ lives from the outside without saying a word, without them knowing, he did it.

       First among these times was when Marcus saw, his older brother, being beaned by a fastball at a game he was in. As the time grew near Marcus knew he had to do something to stop it, for in his foresight his brother was harmed big time by a fastball. Marcus’s body tensed and his insides started to jingle like an alarm inside it, when it became really heightened, Marcus jumped up off the stands and jumped onto the field and ran toward his brother at home plate, this stopped the game and changed it all, stopping his elder brother from being beaned. Of course Marcus was punished by his parents for interrupting the ball game and drawing attention to his self, but, he knew it saved his brother a brain injury, so he didn’t care and took the punishment. The punishment was a spanking from his dad and a day in his room grounded, he just took it never crying or complaining, and his parents didn’t even notice he didn’t react to it at all. No one did, but Marcus didn’t care, he felt right and just in saving his elder brother and knowing he had no choice. Never once did Marcus think twice doing what he did or since he did it, somehow he knew he had to it was an inner feeling and sense.

          The same would happen numerous times that summer, when Marcus would run in or interfere with something and all around him thought he was a being a pain in the ass, attention getting little brat. Marcus knew better but could never explain it when he stopped his younger brother from getting hit by a car, or his mom from being hit by his step-father by stepping up and in and getting struck instead. These were all instances that would get Marcus’s family and his teachers upset, and get him labeled as a troubled and emotional child no one could control. But the truth was, Marcus was normal just like all other kids except for his ability to see what was coming for certain people, that popped into his mind and made him save them.

            Marcus could foresee things no one thought of or seeing coming beside himself.  He saw his baby sister being damaged by broken glass, so he stepped back further to save her, he saw his step-father being sprayed by a skunk one night and told him, and his step-dad came home to find the skunk in his garbage that night and avoided it. All little things that he saw somehow, and stopped so no one would get hurt, but Marcus was thought to be emotionally disturbed and labeled it by parents and Doctors, so he was sent away to an Institution for two years, and made to adhere to the rules there which included being taught emotional control, facts later were revealed of his stay. Marcus was actually found to be intelligent, brilliant in his own way and he suffered from not just the power of foreseeing things, he actually was a child with attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity. But it was the 1960s, and no one knew what they were, so Marcus suffered thru medications and detentions such as The Center he was placed in. Marcus would fight the system at first, then after the first week into it, he foresaw his way out and knew it would take time to get there, so he took it day by day remaining calm.

             Finally two years to the day, he entered the Center he was released back to his family after he made an emotional plea on a Dictaphone of his Social Workers, in her office. When Marcus came home, it had all changed, the carpets were new, his elder brother was different and didn’t pick on him anymore, yet he avoided him. His mother was less emotional and less violent herself, and the step-father had changed too, his violence was a lot less. It seems the State had stepped in and taught the family ways to deal with anger and getting along. Amazingly, Marcus would survive his elementary and high school days to move on in life. 

                                            Part 2

              It’s now 2015 and Marcus is lying in a room, in a bed and going on sixty years old. He is getting frail and his hair has fallen out except for around the edges.  He is clean shaven and looks tired all the time, waking up out of a deep slumber he stares at the ceiling tiles above his head counting the holes slowly and trying to think back over his decisions.  Swearing softly to himself he tries to go back in time and memories to the way things went for him and those he loved and all he had to do with it all. Why me, is all Marcus can think, why did I get blessed or is it cursed with this foresight I have had all my life, why me?

               Breathing heavy and sighing he closes his eyes and lets his mind flash back in history, thinking over his decisions and efforts thru all the years. It all started with that slap from mom, Marcus decides, would it had started if she didn’t smack me one that day, I will never know, but, I know I have had it with me since. Visions, dreams, and sights I should never have seen and how much I would have loved to be like all the other kids I knew and grew up with, but destiny was not that way for me. My destiny was to chase the visions, nightmares and dreams and stop them from happening, I hope I did enough, Marcus thinks, did I do right or wrong, and if I did wrong will I ever know.

            Suddenly a pain hit me and my body tenses, and I bounce on the bed hoping to relieve it some. The pain gets worse each time it hits, no, and I hurt like hell for 15 to thirty minutes until it wears off. The IV tubes in my arms are taped in place and the blanket is pulled up over my chest, the heart monitor beeps next to me, and I realize, it can’t be too long now. Cancer once it hits your blood can spread like wildfire the Doctors told me and put me on heavy doses of chemo and once a day radiation treatments, they said I needed them to survive. I went along with them for two weeks, then I saw in a vision the radiation and chemo eating away my insides faster than the cancer could, so I now refuse it and take nothing more than morphine to handle the pain. The Doctors are saying my body and organs can’t keep going too much longer, so, I take the morphine and the chemicals they use to replace food for me. They are nourishing me thru tubes as I lay and look at the ceiling and wonder about the past. I can hear every nurse and doctor as they check me but my voice no longer works, so I wave with my hand for attention when needed. It feels like I am hanging over the edge of a cliff, and holding on by a thin branch, but I hold on and stay alive. Amazingly, each day comes and goes and my mind is still clear and flashing back to the past and my beginning of my journey in the world as I grew up.

       The thing is as I try to remember the things needed to keep me alive and going my mind fades in and out and the Doctors and Nurses come and go, checking my vitals, taking blood, checking me constantly and it interferes with my concentration, so now I wait till they get done, and my family stops visiting and hearing my daughters and sister cry as they visit drives me insane. I never could stand and let a woman or girl cry I think, and then suddenly I am back in the past and fourteen again walking home a girl I knew from school, and knowing I was going to kiss her ahead of time even before it happened…….

                                               Part 3

          I remember being fourteen, a virgin, never kissed a girl and meeting Bea that year in high school.  I remember my friends Mary and Sue I had met that summer running up to me in the high school cafeteria and telling me about Bea liking me. I was with a buddy Paul, and they ran up and told me all about her and when I said no way, they said ask her yourself, she’s at the cash register, when you pay. I was scared and shy in many ways and talking to girls was my weakness at the time, they scared me a bit I had no idea on them period. But, I also felt pressure to not chicken out, because Paul was there with me in line and would tell everyone how I had chickened out if I didn’t.

           It felt like forever to get my food and slide my tray down the counter to the cash register and my mind was working overtime as to what to say or ask and how. Gathering myself I slid to the end and register and looked at her, and asked is what Mary and Sue said true? She smiled, laughed a bit and then said yes, I was flabbergasted! It was true this girl liked me and I couldn’t fathom why, I said thank you and left to eat lunch and decided to myself, she was teasing me, so I didn’t bother with her. But, Bea was persistent if nothing else and she kept after me in home room and in between classes in high school. She even sat down with her already boyfriend Billy and I in the cafeteria and handed him his class ring back, in front of me to prove it.  I told Paul my buddy about it and he looked at me, and said, Man, you are going to have to do something, you can’t just run and hide on her! And of course her boyfriend Billy was there and watching and we became friends also.  He knew I had reluctance and knew I was scared and had never been with a girl. Yet he slowly stepped out of Bea’s life in school and after and left me to first make friends with her and then to start walking her home. Once I started walking her home and we laughed together and got to know one another I could see myself in my mind kissing her and knew it was coming, and I kept seeing it in the rain, but this was June of that year and sunny. So we continued laughing and getting closer over time.  Part of the summer went by before I would see Bea again in September when we began school again and I was still talking to her and walking her home. It would go that way for a month or two, each time I walked her home, I would go further in doing so. The first time I would cut off at my normal turn and walk home from there, later it would be later turns, to get home and more time with her. Each time our walks would be longer and closer to her home across town and further away from my own.  People heard our laughter on the streets of our hometown that year as we joked, laughed and teased one another, yet never failing to be together. It was funny how it happened, but, years later looking back, I heard others say I was stalking her, the truth was she wanted me there and told me so, so we were having fun. Her brother, older than her became a guy who hated me, because he was trying o break us up at the time. That would happen between me Bea but not until the kiss in the rain.

            From September to November of that year, the laughter filled the streets of our home town as two young people played, teased and smiled at one another neither making a romantic move, until one November night. It started raining out and Bea and I started walking home in that rain jumping in puddles and splashing each other along the way. We were soaked by the time we hit the center of town, but we kept together laughing more as we went, we didn’t pay attention to the time either. By the time we realized how late it had become it was 5:30 in the evening and we were on the hill that led to her home a couple of blocks up. Bea became concerned when she realized the time and we were saying goodbye for the day. She knew she was going to be in trouble when she reached home and her mom was gonna be pissed off. As we stood there saying good-bye for the day in the rain she began to cry in fear of what she would face when she got home. I was innocent, but I hated to see her cry at all, I hated to see any girl cry, so I didn’t at first know what to do, so I pulled her to me and kissed her gently in the rain. When we finished kissing she smiled, I smiled and we went our separate ways her up the hill and me heading to my home. We were both happy and a little giddy I believe at the time. But that would be the only kiss that happened between Bea and I in that way. I did kiss her again a few times in front of her home on the grass, but we never became a couple. The last time I kissed Bea was in front of her home and the windows of the front of the house opened wide all at once it seemed to me. All her younger siblings were watching us kiss and commenting. Among them would be her younger sister, who I ended up dating and staying with for the next two years. It was wacky I know but it is what happened. And it became so the following year in High School, when the sister came to me in a study hall and carved her initials, under mine, with a pen knife in the cafeteria table. That began the two year relationship that would take my virginity and innocence away in one shot. I struggle to stay awake and remember it now, as I lay in my hospital bed the morphine dripping into my veins and my vision blurry and half gone. But I smile at it all even half alive, for it was indeed a special time. The pain ramps up inside of me, my body spasms and jumps and my eyes tear up, and the ceiling tiles run all together and the fan over my bed fades in and out and I can see the tips of the blades as it spins and then blackness hits me and I am gone.

                                               Part 4

When I started to deal with this foresight in the ways I could and begin to use it, instead of it using me, was when I turned 14, that summer, I began to see things coming more clearly than ever before. That’s the thought that hit me after I awoke, off the morphine in my drip in my arm, to kill the cancer pain. The ceiling slowly came into focus and the ceiling fan blades came back slowly, spinning over me. Sitting next to me in a chair by my bed is my sister, ten years my junior and healthy as a horse, she has always been there all the way back and I will love her always, but I see the worry lines now in her face, and hear her sighs as she watches me, slowly reading to me as I barely breath and my mind flashes back once more. It was 1970, and one of the first friends in my new home town, that was when I saw things more clearly for the first time and used my foresight to prevent damage to someone else and a friend from doing it. I saw her doing it in my mind the night before and knew then I could not let it happen, so I stopped her. Her name was Lorrie and it was summer, and she was set to go take a .22 rifle to an old lady who was mistreating her children all the time, they were then Lorrie’s friends. I was too and I saw her getting the .22 out of her step-fathers room and loading it in my dream. So I went to her house and stayed until it started and stopped her. It wasn’t easy but was well worth it to me and Lorrie and all involved, I remember it clearly.

          I stayed at Lorrie’s home that day until it all happened. I remember her and her friend Keith, that day laughing joking and having fun as we all hung out together. The phone call came from her girlfriend and Lorrie was pissed off by it all. Seems her friend’s mom didn’t want to let her friend out and blamed the girl for something and was punishing her. Teenagers get emotional over this shit and Lorrie did too and I watched as her anger got the better of her and she got angrier by the second during the call. I knew then I was seeing my dream I saw come alive in front of me. So I waited till Lorrie go so angry, she grabbed her step-father’s .22 gage rifle, loaded it and started up the hill to shoot her girlfriends mom. Before Lorrie passed the railroad tracks to get to her girlfriend’s house I stopped her and took the rifle from her, unloaded it and brought it back to her home and her too. No way was I going to allow her to shoot anyone if I could stop her and I did. It was the first event I stopped, that my foresight had seen, and I took control of. It changed Lorrie’s life, mine and her parents and the parent of her girlfriend too. In the end I felt it was a no choice thing for me and I was controlled by destiny, but, by saving Lorrie from this event, I missed the event of her friend Keith killing himself, I never saw that one coming. So you see my foresight wasn’t perfect, but I learned it was always about those I cared for or held close as friends or family. I learned that week that, I couldn’t choose all the time nor would my foresight visions tell me everything. When I did pay attention to my visions, I could change things for those who I considered important to me and myself but not those attached to the people involved. Otherwise my foresight visions had their limits.

        Over the next years from age 14 to 18 I would make what others called predictions, out loud and then people I knew would sit and watch them come true and look at me like I was either crazy smart or incredible in some way. It was all from my foresights and visions, while I slept I could see things and then while awake see them coming by, key moments and use my foresight to avoid or change them at critical points. I would do or say something and change them just enough to save the pain of it from hitting those I loved or cared about every time.

           Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, damn pain again, it racks my body and my mind flashes back to current events. Me in my hospital bed the ceiling fan spinning over my head, the morphine in my veins trying to kill the pain, and of course my sister sitting in that chair beside my bed, watching reading and crying over my condition and her knowing what the Doctors said, we can only make him comfortable they told her, and they do the best they can, but it doesn’t stop her tears from flowing.  As I feel it intensely now, my body tenses, and my body jumps in pain, my sister screams for help and they rush in and turn my drip up higher. They examine me, talk to me, but it is all a blur and I can hear sounds none make sense to me, I see blurs moving over me and I know it is Doctors and Nurses, but can’t change a thing, they take control and I fade again as the ceiling tiles and fan blurs into a white mass over my head and I am gone again.

               Waking again, hours later, my mind is a little more alert, I can see the ceiling tiles again over my head and count the little holes in them and see the fan blades spinning over me. My eyes open but I still can’t move, I am trapped inside a body I can’t move, or make breath cause the machines are doing that for me. Yet I am here in the shell of my body, my mind continues to work, even if it is jumbled and confusing at times to my drug inflicted mind, it still is functioning, my brain and I are still here. Yet, I don’t know if the nurses and doctors know I am here still, yet they still watch me and my sister comes and goes.

         The memories come and go and the instances of my foresight visions flicker thru my mind. After stopping Lorrie from shooting anywhere my mind jumps to another foresight vision I had. It was one I knew when it happened, I should have said something but I didn’t, and I paid for it you see. Yes, this one was the foresight of what would happen to a girl I loved and never told. And I wish I had told her now but I never did. Mary was her name; I met her that summer of my 14th year, at a park, her, her sister, her friend and friends I made thru her brother Charlie. In the end, I had so many regrets over it over my life the memory stayed as fresh as they always will be. They never faded not only for me, but for Mary and others too.

                                        Part Five

              The summer of 1970, was a summer of changes, and so much more in my life. It was a move from one city to another, lessons in rebuilding a home with my stepfather, and the sudden awakening of feelings for the opposite sex. It was friend making time, exploring, learning and just learning to be me, instead of what someone else wanted me to be. The hardest part of growing up, really is finding yourself and the sexual awakenings you go thru when they happen.

             By the time I got to explore my new home tome it was summer and Dad got tired of working on the house and at a job and took a day off from both. When he did it gave me, a day to explore and see what was for me in the new town. I headed downtown which was only about three blocks away from me. As you went downtown , you went down a set of stone stairs and then followed a brick road around a middle school that is now in the World Book of Guinness’s, as a one of a kind building, historically. A side path over that road led down a path to the elementary school park, and the basketball court down there. I roamed down with a basketball and the thought of just shooting hoops and minding my own, little did I know Charlie would come along. Charlie actually was from a family that moved into town from New York, and we ended up shooting hoops together and him beating my ass at the game. Charlie and I laughed and played and shot hoops for hours till tired and we went our separate ways the first few times. Then after shooting around a few times, we became friends and started bullshitting and hanging out together in that park. It was a slow time and new for me to make friends. Time would lead to me going to Charlie’s house with him to hang out, and I would meet his mom, his two sisters and make friends with them too. But I saw trouble coming in my dreams and foresights too, sadly, I didn’t pay full attention to them, but life changes too fast. Each day you live, you can’t predict everything, including being separated from people you really like and care about because your opinions are different than theirs. Such a thing happened between Mrs.  Johnson and I that first year I knew her and her children. It all occurred one evening in the summer as I sat on her front porch and discussed religion with her. Mrs. Johnson and her family were Catholics as was I actually, just not a practicing one. We were discussing religion for some reason, I will be damned what it really was about, but the argument came down to what came first, the chicken or the egg, God or Creation type thing. Mrs. Johnson was a big believer in the Bible and church and I was a believer in the Big Band Theory so to say. Due to the argument, she would ban me from her home for two years; it would take a plea from her daughter Mary to get me back in. It was almost impossible how it happened but I would get back in through Paul my friend at the time and Mary. Yet it did happen and I am glad it did. It seems the one behind my getting back in the Johnson home was Mary, and once more I would watch her from afar and see where her life was going. The amazing thing is I would watch for years, before I said anything to her about her life. But I did when it was too late and her decision was already made to marry Paul, the day they announced it is the day I told her don’t! But it was too late and she was caught up in the excitement of the moment. I knew Paul well, and his temper was one thing, his secret a second that I caught onto, would stay hidden from her till after the marriage. But the wedding would take place that June and I would be a part of it as an Usher with others who are today gone. Unknown to Mary Paul’s best man would be her biggest problem in her marriage, but I saw it all coming and couldn’t stop it. So Mary suffered for all of it as I did too watching it happen to her. Yes I foresaw it all with Paul’s and Mary’s marriage and tried to warn her, but it flew by and she didn’t get it. Between his best man and his temper the marriage would never make it and I knew it ahead of time. But sometimes even foresight can’t help you stop the fates from rolling on, and that was the case here. I told her don’t marry Paul, but didn’t tell her why and I suppose I was to blame but, when your helpless to stop it, what can you do? I predicted to her it would last no longer than two years and almost to the date they would divorce. In the meantime, I would have to make changes in my life, I knew I could never have Mary in my life she was married and I had no job, unemployment had hit my hometown. I had to make a choice do I stay home in a place with no jobs and struggle or move on to join the service, I choose the later and signed up for the US Navy to leave in December of that year. The year was 1978, and jobs were gone and sent out of country and I drifted throughout the year from job to job. I had to pay rent to my parents to live home and had no income for myself to live on. So I went to the Recruiting office and signed on and gave my notice to the National Guard I was a member of I was going active duty. And my journey would begin into Navy life and further as Mary and Paul tried to stay together thru the will of Mary mostly and the birth of their daughter. When I left I said good-bye to Mary and she told me don’t go, but it was too late, I was picked up from my parents’ home on 29 December 1978 in the biggest blizzard in Connecticut’s history. It didn’t stop the Navy from getting me at all. Nor would any of my leaving affect the marriage of Paul and Mary, but I would come back just in time to see the divorce start when I visited Mary’s mothers home on leave. When I arrived Paul was in one room on a couch by himself, and Mary and her mother in the next room together building a puzzle. When I asked I was told it was over, divorce was next for them and Paul left suddenly leaving me Mary and her Mother. My Prediction had come thru, and I couldn’t say or do a thing about it. It stunned me that I was so accurate about it all, and my mind flashed back to the Reception they had at the Polish American Club, and how it all was evident to me at the church earlier and in the Club that day. How he left her by herself after she married him, to wander around the room and ignoring her. How she fixed my tie and how I could see the look in her eyes. How I ended up walking he railroad tracks out back crying to myself, because I let it all happen, and knew how it was going to end. I have no control over what I sense or see in my foresights believe me, if I did I would have stopped it all. The sad part is I never said a word to Mary about anything, even that day in her mother’s home; I had already committed to marry my first wife. And that worked for 12 years till it fell apart, which I foresaw also before I married her, I told her you ever ask me for a divorce you will get it, no problem. Well it came true also, 12 years later, and two daughters later.

PART 6

My eyes snap open the glaring fluorescent lights over me, blind me for a second and I see rainbow colors in waves across my vision. The ceiling tiles then snap into clarity and I see the small holes in them clearly, and I can count them in my head as I slowly wake up again. My breathing is shallow but still happening, and my body is racked with pain as I lay very still. Next I can hear the machines purring along and the heart monitor as it beeps, I can feel the oxygen being pumped into me, forcing me to breathe. I am still alive, how I have no idea, but I am. Sitting next to me is my kid sister still she is growing weary and older each time I see her, yet I can’t tell her to go home, my vocal chords don’t work, I can’t speak. I am in so much pain, I am numb with it all and every once in a  while a sharp pain shoots through my body, reminding me I am still alive.

           The Nurses rush in at every beep of the heart monitor, and make sure I am comfortable. Then they eject me with morphine thru my port and intravenous line. Slowly the sharp pains lessen and I feel a fog rise over my mind clouding it. I know before long I will be out, drifting in darkness again and my mind will take me back in time again. Amazingly I try to fight it off, but I can’t, I know I can’t drifting deeper now, my eyes close and my mind tumbles back in time again, this time I can hear The Drill Sargent in Army Boot Camp throwing the can  across the room and waking us up on my first day of Boot Camp. Again my foresight knew what would be coming before it happened, for I was still young then.  I knew before I signed the papers and joined the Army I would fail, because I wasn’t ready, but I had no choice, I had no home to go back to now, my step-father had dumped me in the snows of a Connecticut winter with my clothes in a box. My Friends took me in for a while till I could get on my feet and get a room at the YMCA in town.  A one room shanty I called it, with a dresser, a closet, a bed and nothing else really, showers were public for all male roomers at the time and it cost me 80.00 dollars a week to live there. The sad thing was I ate out and had no money it was hard to do on an unemployment check, but I did it, but doing dishes and cleaning a restaurant for the owners down the street, they fed me as payment for doing it daily. I survived that way but I know also, I couldn’t keep going, that way so I joined the Army.

            I couldn’t stand the discipline of it all and I wasn’t mature enough to handle the responsibilities, so my Sargent in A School for Tank Retriever Driver saw me fall apart when my step-father came down with gangrene of his intestines and almost died. He recommended me for a Trainee discharge after talking to my parents, and sent me home after a month of my failures in training.  It would stick with me, because the job market at home did not change and I could foresee my only choice would be military life in some way. I really had no choice and knew it big time, as I struggled to survive. My choice to rejoin the Military came through a Sargent in The Connecticut Army National Guard, who said if I need money, they could help if I served. I knew then when I spoke to him, it would be my way to go for a while and so I signed up. I became a Machine Gunner Scout in the Army National Guard of my home town and the State of Connecticut. I stayed in it surviving on monthly paychecks for a few years, I believe three. On weekend stays in the Upper Fields of New York we trained and I learned to avoid land mines and take apart and rebuild an m-60 machine gun and read maps. I learned to keep my head down, and to listen to orders.  I also learned how men who served in Vietnam were affected by PTSD. I had two sergeants in the Guard who were best friends and we would all sleep in the Armory before Drills on the Weekend.  One night I knew and found out why I admired them both so and looked up to them.

           We were all drinking and having fun that night before the next day’s drills.  When it came time to sleep, we all bunked down in sleeping bags and settled in to sleep, when someone shut the lights off in the armory, wrong move!  One of these Sergeants went crazy and got up screaming to turn the lights back on. No one understood why except the other Sargent.  I found out that night as we lay there getting ready to sleep with the lights on.

           He was a Vietnam veteran who served on a hill in Vietnam and during the night he laid down to sleep in his tent and when he awoke the next morning he was alone. All the fellow men in his unit were dead except him, he was the lone survivor of the night, the Viet Cong had killed his whole unit except him and since he cannot sleep in the dark ever again. Sad I thought, but I also thought how brave, he was to have survived and to tell his tale I admired him greatly and set my sights on being more like him. I followed the two Sergeants closely and paid full attention from that day on, until I left the Unit and joined the U.S. Navy. I joined the Navy because I saw it coming with no jobs and not enough money to survive and nothing to hold me to my hometown. I got permission to go home from my parents to await my date of entry back into the Service in December of 1978, it was time I grew up somehow and knew what I wanted now. I became a U.S. Sailor on December 29th, 1978, during the biggest snow storm in Connecticut’s history. I foresaw it was make or break for me in The Navy and I had no choice but to make it, I knew my chances to be something were disappearing, and that it was time, I also knew and foresaw the fact I would make it as a Sailor, I was right. The Navy brought me to adulthood, maturity, husband hood and fatherhood and educated me. It was indeed what I needed to survive and move on in life. The Navy would be a starting point for me to rebuild once more and my foresight told me so, one night as I lay in bed asleep, I saw images of me in a Sailor uniform and me achieving and doing things and being able to accomplish things.

                                             Chapter 7

          I hear sounds, I can see lights thru my closed eyelids, the ceiling tiles appear as I open my eyes, and I still can’t move.  My body is frozen in position, I can’t move a muscle, it’s like being trapped in a block of ice, cold, unmoving yet still alive and no real physical feelings at all. Yet I can see and hear sounds around me, and I still see my sister who comes each day to visit and hopes beyond hope I will someday recover and be myself once more. I tear up and cry when I see her each day after she leaves, for I know I will never be able to be normal again, for I have foreseen my ending and it is in this hospital bed in the near future. My foresights have given me knowledge of my life and those of others that no one else would have seen or been able to change to help them, yet I did it over the years, one incident at a time, changing lives and history.

            I remember saving a women’s life when a girl wanted to shoot her, back in high school and how I saw it coming the day before and put myself in place to stop it in time. I remember saving my first girlfriend’s life by holing her as I had saw in a dream the night before to keep her safe until she could be taken to a hospital for her stomach to be pumped. So many some incidents and now, I can foresee my own death, but I am helpless to stop it, really it is sad, but I am betting when it comes soon, it will be a relief to rest and let go, so my mind will stop racing on its own, reliving my life over and over again. I foresaw too many things in my life, my grandfather’s death in a dream, my grandmother’s death and her being hauled out on a backboard dead covered with a sheet.  I even foresaw me meeting my real father and his death and how the meeting would go. I saw my mother’s death in a dream and my step-fathers too. Amazingly even, I foresaw my battle with lung cancer and how it would end with me surviving. What I didn’t foresee was my own illness this last time, why I can’t tell you, but I do know my end is very soon. Cancer is deadly no matter who you are unless the Doctors catch it early enough. In My case it isn’t, or wasn’t early enough. The cancer rages thru my blood stream and my organs and body and I know now I shall expire soon enough. I only hope my sister understands I can’t stop it and hope she will be fine, all others are gone before me she will be alone next. I am so sad, because she has many years to go on her own and I can’t help her or foresee anything anymore or speak or move.

            The day has arrived I can see it now as it dawns as I did in my foresight, everything the sight of my death on this day. The lights starting to flicker in my eyes, my breathing harder, the buzzers and bells going off, the heart monitors ringing alarms, The nurses rushing to and fro, the Doctors coming and staying and staring at me as I expire slowly. My one request was for them to keep me painless, so a Doctor grabs my intravenous line and injects more morphine into it to me. My mind clouds up and the pain lessens and I go groggy inside. I can hear the conversations as they watch my monitors and see me slowly drift off, and suddenlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…………

                                                Epilogue

         Looking down on the scene from above I see the tears of my sister, the Doctors and nurses as they pull the sheets over my head and realize I am dead. I hear a voice whispering to me from above calling my name, Marcussssssssss!  I don’t want to go yet I am being pulled away and I have no choice, the voice says it is time, I see a bright light and that is it, I am gone!!!!!!

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