Ladies, you abound and outnumber men across the USA and World at least three to one, and you can choose and pick who you love and care for and much more, men can too to a degree, yet we can’t determine who a child’s father should or should not be, you do. You choose whom you will have sex, with, get pregnant by and marry in the end, and when things don’t go the way, you want in a relationship, you say the word DIVORCE, and soon there is single mother raising a child on her own and no explanation given to the child. Then you panic and look for a father to help raise that child and when you do get one, the child is named to be that man’s not the real father’s, sad isn’t it. The real story is out there women and sooner or later that child will go looking for the real father whether you like it or not and eventually, if that father is alive, they will get the truth of what happened, won’t they!
My mother did the above, without thinking twice to make her eldest son legitimate and to give him a last name and he never knew it, he is now in his 60s when he finally found out. Yes he found out, because he finally asked after so many years and decades and it was too late to ask her, she was dead and gone and so were the men involved, sad isn’t it, he now flounders around and calls himself a bastard child, due to it all and doesn’t know what to do, to prove who his real father is or isn’t. This is what can destroy a person, it’s called secrets held back and the truth never being told, and yes it allows the mother to control the child and lead them where they want them, but in the end, it leads to a lost adult unsure of anything.
My mother was in her early days and young when she dated a man out of New York City she met down there for a short time. During that relationship she got pregnant with her first son, but the relationship did not work out and it was the 1950s, and frowned upon for a unwedded roman catholic girl to get pregnant. So after the man left her denying it was his child, my mother went and found my father , while pregnant and married him to give her son a last name. Then she got pregnant with me and I got the same last name because it was my real father. Nine Months after my birth the story got more complicated for all involved and grew worse.
My Parents were living in a home with my father’s parents at the time and i was nine months old. My real life Grandmother looked at us two boys, pointed at the eldest one, one day and told my mother he was not my father’s son. An argument ensued that evening and when my mother called my father downstairs to tell his mother we were both his sons, he refused. The Next thing that happened was, my mother took us two boys and left the New Jersey home of my grandparents with us and went home to Connecticut with us, and her parents home.
My father followed her to Connecticut and got a job in a factory called Chase Brass and Copper, and at that factory he met the next man my mother married. Between her and this man she hid us boys from my father for two years as my father struggled to find us eating hot dogs, hamburgers and whatever he could to stay and look. Finally he surrendered and went home to his parents in New Jersey, and gave up period.
My step-father raised us two boys along with three more children he had with mom and my elder brother hated him for the punishments and beatings he gave out to us all.
As a child I knew my step-father was not my real father and argued with mom over it bigtime, so bad by my 10th year she put me away in an institution for two years saying I was emotionally disturbed. In the end of those two years I returned home and restarted my life over again. By 18 years old I was determined to find my real father and I did. With help from friends I got on a bus and went to see my father face to face and get the real story of all that happened. he told me the above story, which I at first thought was crap, but it was the truth. I found out it was true by returning home, and being told the same by my step-father, my Aunt, my mother’s sister and my Uncles. No one told my elder brother though and he grew up believing he was my father’s son and nothing was wrong, he was mom’s lil boy her favorite and spoiled rotten and became self-centered and selfish, as he grew up.
My real father died of lung cancer in November 1984 and I went to his wake and funeral. As we were sitting in the Funeral Home listening to the speeches about him, a voice rang out at the back of the room. My elder brother had come to the wake at the insistence of our mother and disrupted the service with his big mouth. I was asked by my father’s sister who he was and if I could remove him please, I did and sent him home.
Our Mother died October 1991, of cancer also, as did my step-father in October of 1990 the year before. After their deaths my sister and I and my youngest brother buried them side by side in a grave both cremated under one headstone. My elder brother refused to pay a penny for the grave or headstone.
2012, I received a phone call while I was working in my yard, my wife answered the phone. My wife explained to me, it was my elder brother he wanted to come see me, he was coming to Connecticut. I said ok, tell him he can come and she did.
He arrived one day on a motorcycle, bald-headed with earrings in and in leathers, and dark sunglasses and a helmet. He stayed two nighst and left and in those two days, we said less than, ten words to one another for we were never close. Yet, the second day we were sitting on my deck outside, he, I and my wife, when he suddenly looked at me and said, I wish mom were here so I could ask her some questions. So I asked him what question he would ask her, he said he would ask her who his real father was. I was shocked and so was my wife who already knew the story from me. I looked at my wife and went what now. She said tell him, so I did. he was shocked, befuddled, baffled and asked how long I had known I told him since 1974. and I explained how I found out and from who. He shook his head and couldn’t let it go, up until he left that night on his bike.
I hadn’t spoken to my elder brother from the 1970s to the 1990s when mom died, and after she died from 1990 to 20122 either. He claimed he did not want to die estranged from me. well he left that day and he hasn’t returned since and I do not call him or vice versa. It is now 2014 and going into the final stages of the year.
So Women, when you go out and have sex , unprotected and your young and get pregnant, please give the correct father’s name to your child and let them meet him. Otherwise you will end up with a confused, emotionally damaged child, who doesn’t know what to do with themselves for their beginnings are not known to them, and who knows what they may do or become when they find the truth.