How to explain things, you yourself do not understand, to someone else is rough, but it is even rougher when dealing with emotions and family or loved ones. Over the decades I have lived now and believe it or not I am closing in on my 6th, being completed, the hardest thing in life to deal with is indeed emotions and how to express them. When you Hesitate doing so, you lose contact with them because you suppress them, and then you lose contact with the person it was meant for. How does one overcome that hesitation, and the regrets it produces years later? What should be done, well, that is what this is all about today.
In my childhood, I suffered from the how to disease myself and still do today, for expressing how you feel today someone one, or something is something I was taught as a child to avoid, yes I had parents who said boys don’t cry, boys are tough, boys can’t show weakness, boys have to be the strong one, I am sure I am not alone in being told it. It comes from being the son of a hardline father and mother who taught discipline and punished with beatings and more. It comes from a feeling of never fitting in, and feelings of being left out, ignored, or fighting to be recognized by one parent or both or even siblings. I know it sounds crazy, it doesn’t seem right, but in the end it is indeed a lead into mental problems, depression, and so much more when it happens to children.
This subject brings up things in my mind like,how do you tell a parent they are cruel unjust, wrong and just mean for beating you as a child when they are dead? How do you tell an elderly brother or sister, they were wrong for abandoning you as a child and leaving you alone to make your own way, when you needed them and they were never there? How do you tell an old girlfriend you loved her, but had no way to say or show it because you were not properly equipped emotionally to do so? So many of these questions go through my mind, as I close in on 60 years old, it seems to be overbearing and crazy, trying to deal with lost chance then and now, doesn’t it to you too?
So, I struggled back then and still struggle today, how to say I love you, miss you to the lost children of my first marriage, when losing them was not my fault? How to say goodbye to parents who died of cancer well before their times, how to tell the world you failed to act or react to something and lost out and that there is no way to make it up to them or yourself? All of this is a question we as human being have to deal with daily, and me on a personal basis, I have many of these situations in my life as I age. Will I ever find a way to do it? Can it be Explained?