Definite Tumor approximately 5 cnt mtrs in right lung. Removal of said tumor scheduled for Sept. 3rd, 2013. Followed by chemo and possible radiation treatments. Hope ya all understand!
As I go through the process of lung cancer and the removal of a lung or part of one, I do think back over past memories, what i did right, wrong or indifferent and if I have any regrets. And as I do I do know I have regrets, but sometimes we all can not accomplish exactly what we want, the way we want it. So, no matter what I think I have lived a decent life, and that most will remember me if I die in a positive light!
Regrets Yes I have a Few!
As you grow older, you also tend to reflect on your life and the things you wished happened or didn’t happen and try to balance it before you die. You live with regrets, and you live with what may have been and then you live with the decisions that you made, you have to or you may go insane, it’s a matter of accepting yourself!.
Some things we can’t regret, yet I hear many people disagree with me and still regret their own births, and then the suicide rate grows in the world sad, huh! It’s a fact and it shall never change, people have regrets on what they did in their lives or didn’t do, and learn not only to live with them, but also how to avoid making the same mistakes twice. We use the past experience we accumulate, to make judgments and decisions on our present situation, and then make them instantly without ever looking back till decades later, some never look back. Well, if you do look back and wonder, what you regret this may be the story you may want to see, my regrets, is me, what I feel I failed to do, or felt I could have done differently to make my life and those lives around me a better place and life.
Regrets go back as far as your memory may be able to take you, in your own life. When you sit back, take a very deep breath, and in the quiet of the time you relax, you can feel your own mind wander and relax with you. Snippets, images, thoughts race through the human mind and you can actually gather these thoughts if you do so carefully, and evaluate them and your own life. It’s like doing a what if book, or story, only, you know all the real facts, all the real instances and people too, even the time frames and vivid pictures of what happened, can come back to boggle and confuse and amaze you. The human mind is a wonderful and vital piece of humanity; it stores data, faster than a computer, retains it as long as you need it and then, lets you retrieve it when really needed.
Regretting is being sorry you did something, being sorry you allowed something to happen you could have changed, or making the wrong decision at the wrong time and you paid a price and can’t change it, even if you wanted to. As one man told me, time marches forward, you can’t change anything in the past it is over and done, but you can change the present and affect what may come. This reflecting, regretting, makes us human and makes us capable of changing only the present or future but never the past, so regretting what happened is all one can do.
What would you list if you stopped to list your regrets and think them over? What kind of incidents would you come up with in your own life, that you regretted and would change is you could? I bet like myself they would cover many of the same items, events and ideas my do and that would prove all human being are the same, no matter what we look like or where we come from, or what color we be, would it folks?
We can’t really regret being born, because it was not a choice of ours, nor can we regret what economic condition we grew up in either. But we can regret, our reactions to events that started young in our lives, and try to deal with them in the present, can’t we? Regrets my friends we all have them, what are yours? I cannot say, I can only voice mine from yesterday. So when you get a chance in time and in your own space, examine your life and see if your regrets are the same as mine or not, and I think you will find many the same, but, a few different based on priorities and time is all.
My biggest and first regret many will ask, is what? Well, as a child I was hyperactive and had attention deficit disorder, I regret not having enough self-control over myself at all times. I know children are rambunctious, but I was twice as hard on my parents.
Rebellion was my next biggest regret, for if I had not rebelled the way I did, life would have been so much easier for me as a kid.
For a child with problems, I regret the way I shut people out and didn’t listen to them or their advice, I regret being the hard headed little bastard I was. Yet I still survived it all, amazing huh?
I regret the first 6 years in Elementary School, I didn’t pay attention or do anything right, I fought and fought is all, it messed up my learning process all the way, but in the end I overcame anyway.
I regret rebelling so hard and running away, I regret stones I threw and things I did say. They cost me two years of my life being put away.
I regret not being closer to my older brother, but he never regretted that about me, he just walked away and let me be.
I regret the fact my family life as a kid wasn’t a family life it was a disaster with pain and hurt, but I refuse to wear it as a shirt.
I regret, not being able to tell the first girl I loved I loved her and not knowing what to do or say.
I regret letting the one love I had in my teen years, get away.
I regret not telling my parents I did love them enough. These are the regrets that get so tough.
I regret not staying in High School and Graduating, yet, I made it ok anyway.
I regret the choices I made to be different and independent and do it all my own way, for if I had gone with the entire crowd, in the end, I knew I would not be accepted or allowed.
I regret mistakes in choices I made, like jobs I lost and things for which I was not paid.
I regret not staying a world away, to be with my daughters each and every day.
I regret not slowing down to explain, what went wrong when to my children and why back then.
But in the end, when I look back, it is from these regrets I learned to live and attack, and not give slack.
Regrets my friends are what makes us who we are, it matters not color, what race, what nationality or from what star! It matters only that regrets are humanity by far and we all have them!