Wakes/ Funerals, Families and Me


      Families, some are close, some are apart and some estranged, but let someone die and everyone comes out of the wood work. It’s amazing if you have a family member die, how many people who you haven’t seen in decades suddenly show up. It doesn’t matter if your religious, or not or what religion you are lost relatives tend to pop out of the wood work.

      No one likes wakes and funerals and i am no exception at all. I hate the fact people want displayed after their death, for all the family and friends to see. I hate having to pretend to know someone you really don’t because it is family, but many in the religions of the world perform this rituals and ceremonies because it is what they were taught by their churches and parents. I understand the traditions and reasons, I don’t understand the real purpose of doing it all except the cost and hours the immediate family must sit there and greet strangers not really known to them.

       The American way of life promotes family and it promotes traditions , but this wake , funeral thing is one i will never understand or want for myself. I am a man who was outcast and a lone wolf for at least 24  my life, never wanted or cared for by my immediate family, just taken care of because I was theirs. I was beaten, harassed, thrown around and abused and mentally tortured in ways by my whole family as a kid. Then I was used to do work and rebuild a home with my step-father who, beat me with boards, shovels, lead pipes and more to keep me inline. In the meantime I never knew what a hug or a kiss from a mother was, she was too busy taking care of the only child she did care about her first. The rest of us, of which there were four more, were after thoughts is all. Yes she performed the protective angel part in front of friends and family, but let me tell you mom was not a loving woman. As her second husband said for all the years they were married, she had no motherly instinct at all.   Family is not necessarily, blood and flesh, nor are they always the ones you live with. But they are the ones who show up, assist you and care for you when you are down and out, or hurting in any way. That is the way family is supposed to be, not what was given to me as a child and son.

      Wakes and funerals even for a full-grown man are scary, and dark and sad. To stand there and greet people as my dead one lies there is not my thing, greeting people who may have known them but not us is rough too.  In the end I just couldn’t force anyone to go through that when I die. So for me I will have no part of wakes and funerals, but I will have The Service I honorably served in for my country, cremate my body and take my body to sea and bury me there. It is cleaner, less of a scene and I don’t have to worry who shall cry over me or not, or show up or not, I will be at eternal rest in the ocean from which all life came from in the beginning.

 

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