Thoughts of Life/ Sacrifices

      As we all know, none of us elected to be born, we were all brought to the planet by our parents if it was a natural thing that is, of course. We don’t ask for a lot, before we can, we accept what God, and our Parents grant us.

         We hope and pray for great childhoods so we can have great adulthoods and make lots of money and fortunes to make our lives easier and our loved ones too. It doesn’t always happen that way, but, it is what most wish for and work toward as we get older and have kids. We want our children to have more than we had and be happier than we were and it doesn’t always happen either, but we strive for it all.

        Long ago when I was a young child I dreamed of a life, filled with peace, love and hope and a family that really cared. Again it is not at all what I got, but, when you grow up you adapt to what you get and survive, don’t you?. Thats the part of life none of us can control.

       As we age and get older we go thru stages of puberty and sexual exploration and love and commitments and then have children of our own to care for.  Sometimes this works out for us and we have families that live in happiness and joy and get riches and fun. Then some of us, don’t get any of the good stuff and struggle through it all. It is an uneven balance, of things in the world that makes it go round.

      Some of us don’t get families like we wanted or dreamed of we see it all end in divorces for different reasons, so real, some false, some made up and some not. But, once a family is divided and pulled apart, can it ever come back together?.  Some do and most do not, the differences between the two parents are so great they are like opposite polls of a magnetic stream, who push each other further apart.

       As we grow older and older, we go on to have grandkids and wonder how they will show up and be proud and stand tall. We hope for the best for them and we love them just as much as we did our children too. In the end though it doesn’t always go the way you want and there are difficulties to life.

         I will always love my daughters, I have two by the way, each is unique and different in her own way. One is introspective and the other is a retrospective type. One is a introvert and the other an extrovert so to say. One is shy and quiet and hides, and the other is happy and gay and couldn’t hide if she wanted to. Funny how children turn out so different , isn’t it?.

        I wish as I think back, that I never lost the time and years I did with my daughters, the things I could have given them, the love and protection, the items I could have supplied them with the love, the laughter, the special moments. I didn’t take it from them, even though I blame myself, yet their mother blames me. The truth is not always easy kids, your mom came from one messed up family, and what happened to her is not my fault, nor is what she let you listen to and reinforced on you either. Yet I have done all I can think of to try to get to know each of you, I spent money, time, efforts, trips, gifts and calls, Wrote letters, and more telling you the truth of it all. So, I am now at my wit’s end, as to what to do next.

         When you get to fifty-six years old girls, you will feel, time pulling you closer to the ending, determined for you by God or your maker. You will then begin to look back once time slows down on you, and realize what your regrets really are and what you missed for reasons beyond your control. You will regret some decisions, and you will think twice about others and some just accept. In the end though you shall know why you did what you did and the reasons will be clear for you just as they were for me. Realizing ultimately, someone had to make the sacrifice so all could survive without destroying each other, so we ended up where we are today. I regret many things about the situation, but I do not regret preserving my mental health, and my daughters mental health too and giving us all a chance to move on and them to grow up. I did the right thing and will never, ever, say I didn’t.

       So to all out there, who get to the stage in life where I am now, we all review, look back and reflect on life as we age. I just hope your reflections, are clearer, nicer and turned out better than mine!.


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